clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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