I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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