Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
