I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
