She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
