what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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