I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
