How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
