i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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