Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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