If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
