we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
birth control should be required to get into college
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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