its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
