TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
