They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
