apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i believe in u and ur pee
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
