she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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