My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize