I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
