We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
