i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
