True but thats because hes a fetus.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
how does that bad decision feel?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
