CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
