life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
