I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize