drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
