help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
