Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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