Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
