i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
