answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
