At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize