She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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