Im at strip club and am horny
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
