I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize