Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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