My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
