If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
