I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
