Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize