I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
