If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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