it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
