I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
