I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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