I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
