omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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