My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
