Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
