Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize