This dress was meant to end up on your floor
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
