what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
