9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
