You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
