id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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