so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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