The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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