if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have fence marks all over my body
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
