just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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