you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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