woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
