I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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