i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
