I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
