im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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