dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
