4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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