I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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