Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
