My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
