We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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