You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize