just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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