i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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