i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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