Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize