you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize