I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
