I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
