Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
