Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
