He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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