Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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