peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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