Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
