I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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