And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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