my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
