I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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