The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
