Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
