hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
