You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I die, sorry about rent.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
