so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
