1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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