Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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