I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
