You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it because I queefed?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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