apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
