i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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