your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
