Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
