just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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