and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
