You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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