You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
