i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
