At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
