For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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