I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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