Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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