What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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