don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
